Are you a caretaker for someone who has Alzheimer’s or Dementia? Writing morning pages and creativity helps.

Being a caretaker for someone in your family is NOT easy.

Susan and Bob Morgan

Two years ago, my father’s wife Susan had to check him into a memory care facility. The doctor told her “if you don’t get help for Bob, you will die before he does.”

Dad had been diagnosed with an advanced stage of Alzheimers and also had something called Sundowners. Most  evenings he became anxious, confused, irrational and angry. He accused 80-year-old Susan of cheating on him with another man. He threatened to divorce her. He hid the checkbook and wallet so the thieves he saw in the shadows wouldn’t steal his money. He paced. He experienced rapid mood swings.

His first night in the memory care facility, Dad begged Susan to take him home. When Sundowners came on, he paced the hallways, repeatedly pushed the elevator buttons, yelled at the attendants to give him his freedom. He cried and asked for Susan. That she had to leave him in a strange place when all he wanted was to sleep in his own bed broke Susan’s heart. Even as I write this, I feel sad.

On the other hand, the first week of living in the memory care facility, the nurses told Sue they found Dad’s hearing aid hidden in the freezer. They found his cane in another woman’s bed. Sue has a great sense of humor and when she told me these stories, we were able to laugh.

As Steve Allen, the comedian once said: “Tragedy plus time equals comedy.“

How journaling your morning pages helps.

If you are taking care of a loved one who has Alzheimer’s or Dementia — it’s likely your life is an emotional rollercoaster — and there are days you feel like you’re running you off the tracks.

Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s keeps you in the flow. Think of yourself as a well — you need time to refill. Otherwise, you’ll run dry and not be able to give others the life-saving waters they need.

Journaling about your feelings, writing and sharing stories about your experiences fills up your tank. Susan put the spotlight back on healing herself. She spent more time on the phone. She made art with her girlfriends. She journaled about her feelings.

Too much isolation drains you.
Art-making, story writing, journaling about feelings, and sharing your stories fill you up.

Caretakers: Try this:  Journal. Write Morning Pages. Buy a Box of Crayons.

Try This. Get Current with Crayons.

As a caretaker, you are your own worst slave driver.

I saw you smile. You know I’m right.

I’ve facilitated The Artist’s Way and Improvisational Writing workshops for over 25 years and witnessed caretakers rediscover their creativity by taking very small steps.

Sometimes, you may feel selfish, guilty or angry taking even a small amount of time for yourself. Please start anyway. You don’t have to do this perfectly.

TRY THIS: GET CURRENT

Grab some crayons, magic markers, colored pens.

Set a timer for five minutes.

Now with the crayons, write or draw your feelings. By working with crayons, you allow yourself to use a different part of your brain. Don’t cross anything out. Don’t share with anyone else. This is YOU time. How can doing something so small help you fill back up the well?

“A small step forward is always better than standing still. Each tiny effort rejuvenates the soul and refreshes the spirit.” 
– Anonymous

One thing I learned when I quit drinking. I had to live one day at a time. I wrote one sentence, 1 paragraph, 1 page at a time.